Suicide

Disclaimer
You should contact and work with your doctor and therapist if you have mental illness driving you to consider killing yourself. You should also reach out to other people especially people in a professional capacity such as social workers, the Samaritans etc, the prescription below is not intended to replace the advice or prescription your doctor has given you it is intended to help you if all else has failed.
 

Prescription for Suicidality

Fast acting antidepressants:
SAM-e 800 to 1600 mg once a day on an empty stomach.
But be very careful with this remedy if you have bipolar syndrome as it most definitely can flip you into mania I’m not saying don’t use it just make sure that you have everything you need in place to manage the mania if it occurs.
SAM-e is safe to take at the same time as antidepressants.
 
Acetyl-L-carnitine 2000 mg twice a day either on an empty stomach just before meals, but again be very careful with this remedy if you have bipolar syndrome see SAM-e above.
Acetyl-L-carnitine is safe to take the same time as antidepressants
 
Uridine 2000 to 5000 mg twice a day with meals.
That’s 4000 to 10,000 mg in total a day.
10,000 mg is a very high dose but still safe and an appropriate in an emergency.
Uridine is safe to take the same time as antidepressants.
 
Combine uridine with omega-3 fish oils EPA and DHA
EPA 800-1600 mg, DHA 400-800 mg. Divide the dosage between 2 or three meals, use high-grade omega-3 fish oils such as Natural Factors Rx omega-3 and keep them in the fridge or freezer.
Omega-3 fish oils EPA and DHA are antidepressant but their effects can be slow to develop however when you combine them with uridine they work quickly. Understand something, if you’re deficient of EPA/DHA it may be impossible for your brain to regenerate and overcome depression.
Omega-3 fish oils are safe to take the same time as antidepressants, but consult with your doctor before taking them at the same time as anticoagulant drugs.
 
Pollygala herb powder 1 slightly round teaspoons twice a day. Make it up into a drink like you make up cocoa i.e. mix the powder with a little cold water to form a paste then add hot water you can sweeten with Stevia of xylitol as you wish.
To find this search online for yuan zhi powder, yuan zhi is the Chinese name for Pollygala.
There are no known hazardous drug interactions between Pollygala and antidepressants.
 
Bright blue light therapy
Bright light therapy is often thought of as only useful for SAD syndrome or winter blues depression but that’s a mistake it can be useful for any type of depression. Its actions may not be as strong as conventional antidepressants however it is more consistently reliable and a lot fast acting.
I recommend the Philips go light blu device. 10 to 15 minutes for unipolar depression, 6 to 10 minutes for bipolar depression, be careful excessive bright light therapy can provoke mania.
Bright light therapy is safe to combine with any other treatment.
 
Neurotransmitter Precursors:
 
L-tyrosine 1000 to 1500 mg, best taken in the morning on an empty stomach. This is the precursor building block for dopamine, building dopamine is safe with unipolar depression can directly produce mania in bipolar depression. Just because it can cause mania doesn’t mean to say that you shouldn’t use it, I took 1000 mg of tyrosine every morning several two years following a five-year long bout of suicidal depression, however I also had in place anti-mania counter measures such as low-dose lithium, sleeping in total darkness, taurine, glycine, branched-chain amino acids et cetera see managing mania.
It’s safe to take tyrosine at the same time as an SSRI but it may hypothetically not be safe to take tyrosine at the same time as a SNRI.
 
L-tryptophan 1000 to 2000 mg
Tryptophan is a precursor to serotonin it has to be strictly taken on a totally empty stomach, it’s best suited to taking lasting at night because it can induce sleep.
St Johns wort 300 mg three times a day
St John’s wort has a similar action to SSRI antidepressants in that it preserves the lifespan of serotonin so combine tryptophan which increases the production of serotonin with St Johns wort to increase lifespan for a stronger effect
 
CAUTION:
Don’t take tryptophan or st john’s wort at the same time as SSRI or SNRI antidepressant drugs. There is a hypothetical possibility that this combination could cause a dangerous condition called serotonin syndrome.
Don’t take St John’s wort with any prescription medication including the contraceptive pill as it can flush drugs out of your liver rendering them ineffective.
St John’s wort increases the risk of sunburn.
 
DLPA
 
Additional remedies to enhance the neurotransmitter precursors:
 
Inositol 5000 to 9000 mg twice a day.
To take this large dose you should buy it in powder form, inositol is completely safe to take same time as any other treatments including antidepressants, it acts as a second messenger and effectively increases the activity of your neurotransmitter.
 
Lithium orotate
10 to 20 mg (of lithium from lithium orotate).
 
Vitamin and mineral precursors to include with the above remedies:
magnesium
a multi-B complex and mineral that uses l-methylfolate instead of folic acid.
 
Additional slow acting antidepressants:
NAC cysteine 1200 mg once a day on an empty stomach.
 
Rhodiola 500 mg capsules 1-2 twice a day six days a week only.
 
BDNF boosting remedies:
super high potency turmeric with piperine
eugenol from clove oil
Gastrodia
Magnolia bark
lithium
zinc
EPA
HIT exercise
 

Which remedies to choose from the above list?

If you illness is trying to kill you it’s an emergency so spare no expense and take all the remedies above; in the past when my illness would try to kill me I would go from my maintenance prescription straight up to 60 pills a day without hesitation and within a few days I could stabilise the situation.

Reach out and tell someone your mental illness is threatening to kill you
It could be your doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist, social worker, priest, rabbi, imam, family member. Ideally include someone with professional qualifications such as a doctor.
 
I have a lot of personal experience with suicide, I have bipolar syndrome with rapid cycling and my condition tried to kill me more than 20 times before I was 20 years old and several times after that, I also had years of depression when I thought about killing myself every day; eventually I learned how to self-medicate my condition and today I have great mental health.
 
Many times before I learned how to continuously maintain good mental health I had the experience of going from suicidally depressed to not depressed or suicidal within a few days of the right treatment which is a very perplexing experience; and on literally dozens of occasions I had the experience of going the other way from being perfectly okay to suicidally depressed within a day or quite often overnight.
 
These experiences happen so many times over the years that it became obvious to me that suicidal depression was something that could be switched on and switched off in my brain; especially when it was quickly switched off I used to think how can it be that a couple of days ago I was sitting on the ledge of the cliff chronic at the courage to jump and now I don’t want to die today at all?
 
What I want to say to you is this if your depression is sufficiently bad for you to be thinking about suicide not just unhappy you really do have an illness, a mental illness and that illness is trying to kill you. I know from personal experience what it’s like to be on the inside the suicidally depressed state, all the pain, all the negativity, the hopelessness the despair, the anguish, the isolation, the desperation and all the other things feel completely real and a true representation of your situation but they’re not that the illness talking.
 
Depression is a real illness think of how a physical illness like say diabetes can mess around with the persons blood sugar well mental illness messes around with your mind. With mood disorders (depression/bipolar) and anxiety disorders (OCD, GAD et al) you don’t have hallucinations or psychosis so you may think you’re seeing things clearly that things really are as bad or as scary as you think they are but mood and anxiety disorders distort your perception of reality so it may feel like you’re consciously choosing the suicide option and that’s how people often talk about people attempt to commit suicide that they ‘chose’ to end their life but they didn’t the illness killed them, it messed with their mind induced terrible feelings of pain and anguish, distorted their perception of reality into a hopeless state and kill them. What I want to say to you is mental illness is treatable, it is, I know when on the inside of it it can feel like it isn’t but it is.
 
If you’re suicidal you probably have low levels of the nerve growth factor BDNF in your brain which is causing a loss of connections in key pathways in your brain that control mood, you may have low levels of inositol which carries neurotransmitter signals within your brain cells and of course you can have imbalances in your neurotransmitter signalling. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 40s that I recognised/accepted that I did indeed have bipolar with rapid cycling as opposed to unipolar depression and up until that time I only ever treated the depressive side of my condition however by my late 30s I’d become very adept at manipulating the levels of neurotransmitters and inositol second messenger systems in my brain so that I could switch off the suicidal depression within a day, my best ever time was 10 hours from imploding into a suicidal state to completely switching it off and feeling okay. Subsequent to embracing the diagnosis of bipolar syndrome I learned how to control the manic side of my condition and how to counterbalance my antidepressant and anti-mania treatments so that I could switch them both off the moment either one arose. Then I went on to develop the treatment to boost BDNF levels in my brain and regenerate my brain so that for over the past three years I’ve not even had a attempted manic or depressive attack. I share this information with you to try to encourage you to understand that mental illness is treatable, I chose to treat mine without drugs…
 
Over the years I learned to manipulate the levels of neurotransmitters and inositol second messenger systems in my brain and by the end of my 30s I could switch off a suicidal depression within a day, my best ever time was 10 hours from imploding into a suicidal state to completely switching it off and feeling okay. At that time I only treated the depressive side of my condition and didn’t accept that I had bipolar with rapid cycling and so the depressions would continue to recur quite frequently Eventually I recognised/accepted that I had rapid cycling bipolar not just unipolar depression
 
I’ve gone from feeling okay into suicidal depression overnight dozens of times and I’ve experienced going from being suicidally depressed to that feeling completely going away within a few days many times once I perfected a combination of remedies that anti-doted my suicidal depression, so I know what it’s like to be suicidal but I also know that suicidal depression can be treated and switched off. 
 
If you are suicidal because of depressive illness understand something:
it may feel like you’re consciously choosing the suicide option but you have an illness and it’s messing with your mind, one of the ways depressive illness messes with your mind is it gives you the perception that nothing will help but that’s the illness talking, I know from the position of inside the condition where you stand alone the feelings of despair pain and hopelessness feel real but that’s the illness creating that psychology, you have an illness and it’s trying to kill you just like people who have cancer have an illness that’s trying to kill them.  When you have depressive illness it distorts your perception of the your situation and the world exaggerating or letting through only the negative and minimising, filtering out and blocking your access to the positive even to the extent that positivity may appear to no longer exist, I know all too well from personal experience that you may think and feel you’re making a conscious choice to want to die but understand that depressive illness distorts our perception of reality and in this state your decision-making abilities are not exactly at their best or state-of-the-art.
 
I’ve often heard it said that people who really want to end their life will just do it and people who attempt to commit suicide but fail don’t really want to die; the reality is far more complex than that. There are people who genuinely wanted to die but fail to commit suicide because the method they chose didn’t work, I’ve met several patients whose mental illness drove them to attempt suicide and inflicted injury with what they believed would be fatal doses of painkillers, other drugs and even bleach; I’ve read case histories of people who shot themselves in the “wrong part” of the head, within earshot of someone who called for medical assistance and they survived but with serious brain damage. Then there’s the issue of fear of death and physical pain, even though I wanted the pain of my depression to end and I wanted to cease to exist I still had the normal fear of death and injury that most people have; depression doesn’t remove the fear of death. Then there’s the incredibly powerful fight or flight response that kicks in sometimes producing instinctual survival behaviour.
Sometimes my suicide attempts were quite traumatising for example when I was 19 I attempted to drown myself in the Mediterranean, I’d heard that after the initial filling of the lungs with water drowning wasn’t supposed to be too bad!  So I waited until the red do not enter the water flags had been put up then swam around to the outside of a long sea wall made up of jagged concrete blocks.  I used the current to carry me to a place when no one would see me and I was sure I would not be able to escape from, drifting with the current would involve an impossibly long journey out to see beyond treacherous rocks and swimming back against the current was completely impossible. To get into position I had to use fins (flippers) for assisted power and when I was at the point of no return I took them off and threw them away.  As I treaded water waiting to die I began to realised that this was not going to be the quick easy exit I had hoped for, I wasn’t going to quickly automatically drown just because I was out at sea. I was a pretty decent swimmer and realised my body was going to just keep treading water possibly for hours gradually becoming exhausted and struggling to keep my head above water. I tried sticking my face in the water and drowning myself but found only I couldn’t override the innate resistance to inhaling water, it was no easier to inhale water in this situation than just putting my face in a wash basin of water so this was not the painless demise I’d hoped for at all.  As I held my face under water by drifted into the breaking waves on the rocks and became completely panic stricken, the fight or flight response kicked in I had an enormous rush of adrenaline in my survival instincts completely took over.
 
The currents were too strong for me to swim my way to safety, I had correctly judge this part of my plan so the only way out of my predicament was to try to body surf a big wave onto the concrete blocks, hope I didn’t break an arm or a leg as I hit the wall that I could scramble out of the way before I was washed off by the next set of big waves. I don’t know if you’ve ever watched somebody or a boat being smashed against the rocks by big waves but the chances of this plan working were not good. I spent over an hour observing the wave cycles and picking a spot on the rocks, my first two attempts failed I rode a big wave onto the rocks but got washed off again by the next wave, it was just luck that I survived the first two attempts without injury; it was terrifying I had become hysterical, on the third attempt I made it up the wall.  Traumatised and bleeding I rested for a while then just I walked home and didn’t tell anyone about it.
 
I don’t know many jokes about suicide but a true story is one time when my illness was trying to kill me found I found a book for sale on painless ways to kill yourself, I looked down the page and noticed that there were second-hand copies on sale!?
And another time I was describing being suicidal to someone with no experience of mental illness and she said but isn’t it all just in your head to which I stared at her and said “dher, where else would mental illness be”.
 
I’ve lived with bipolar syndrome for several decades and when I’m manic my brain is intoxicated by excessive dopamine activity very similar to the effects of cocaine and I know this because in my youth I took cocaine and when I have bipolar depression that inevitably follows a bout of mania it feels remarkably similar to
 
I’ve had what I call dopamine deficient depression it feels just like a cocaine come down and distinctly different from a serotonin deficient depression which feels like the come down you get when you’ve burnt out your serotonin pathways after taking ecstasy which I’ve also taken. 
 
I actually wholeheartedly believe in people’s right to choose involuntary euthanasia and a dignified ending to their life when faced with a terminal illness, but mental illness is not a terminal illness.
 
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